Not Metal

The Finntroll Club

Dude…teach me.

Sometimes I wonder where my own hand fart talent could have taken me. This guy has a whole slew of cover videos, and they’re all awesome.

Don’t let anyone find out you have a secret collection of Dream Theater vinyl.

But needs to be seen

Stardate WTF.

Adult videos. Recycle your semen. Spank yourself. It’s ok to shit your pants every now and then.

“Private matters are private matters.”

But this guy is not afraid to talk about his own to the entire fucking world. That’s metal.

Abbath don’t feel like dancin’

Immortal rocks the Scissor Sisters

As dark as the inside of your colon

Darker than that still.

Have you ever wanted to drink pure alcoholic black sludge from the darkest pits of hell? Well if you weren’t in Muenster, Indiana on Saturday, there is a good chance you won’t get to this year. Saturday, April 26th was the annual 3 Floyd’s Dark Lord Day. It’s the one day of the year that you can buy this sinister beverage.

So dark you can't even see to drink it....?

As expected, there were thousand upon thousands of over anxious beer snobs sitting in lawn chairs with coolers filled with beer that probably cost more than a week’s worth of food.

We arrived around 11:30 am and realized that it was way too late if you ever wanted to even capture a glimpse of the delicious motor oil. We hiked to the back of the line (which was in a different parking lot) and immediately said “fuck that!” Most people were just standing in unmarked lines perfectly content with not moving.

My party went right into the mess and found that there were 4 or 5 different lines for 4 or 5 different things but no one knew what these lines we really for. Luckily we were able to get into a short line and sample the liquid sin. It was thick, and sweet, and delicious, and BLACK. Very Very Black. It was well worth fighting the crowd.

After that little spot of luck, we were able to “squeeze” into the line to buy actual bottles of the bottled darkness. Once we purchased the maximum allotment of dark lord, we were guided right into another part of the chaos where we found out we could taste and buy popskull. Once we escaped the madness, me and my fellow beer junkie agreed that the popskull was a superior beer. It was light and hoppy yet was a dark refreshing beer.

Moral of the story – Fuck morals and get beer anyway possible.

What? No battleaxes? No orc skull?

I suppose I’d do it to if the offer was right.

You can give them all the shit in the world for getting their own shoe. You can call them posers, sellouts, whatever. The fact of the matter is: “If you were in a band and had a chance to be immortalized in shoe form, would you do it?” 3 Inches of Blood has done just that.

Dumb.

I think I would honestly. Even though yeah, this is supremely dumb and trendy and not worth the time to even think of seeking out a pair of these hipster-tops. Apparently though, as one commenter on the original post has stated, the Melvins did something similar back in the day. Which I find suspect/don’t want to believe/will live in denial about until the day I die.

Black Bacon Metal!

Is there anything more elite than an upside down cross made of bacon? I think not!

Good morning!

The perfect way to start a day.

The El was ridiculously packed this morning, and as I crammed into the middle of the second car I was able to over hear a dude listening to something very loud on his iPod. It instantly caught my attention as something I’ve heard before, and definitely not the usual of what one overhears on the El in the morning.

One or two stops later all I could really catch from it over the sound of the tracks and newspapers ruffling was some frenetic down tuned guitar chug and a consistent hit on the high hat. Another stop on my way to downtown, I finally caught it: this dude’s playing Meshuggah’s “Bleed” at ear deafening volume. You could probably hear it in the whole car. Which is awesome.

Anyway, that made my morning ride in to work all the better. All I usually hear on a typical morning pumping out of some jock’s headset on the North side is some techno garbage or Lil’ Wayne…

New EP announced for May 5 release

Yay!

We were as delightfully surprised as the Metalsucks crew about the news of new Nachtmystium material soon to be unleashed upon us. This band has come a long way with their sound with last years’ awesome Assassins. We wait now with bated breath.
Check it out here