I tried very hard to give them a good honest chance. I don’t hear anything in this song or any other new songs that make any sense. It’s literally like listening to a 4 year old beat the shit out of his/her Funrise Lil’ Rockstar guitar. The sense of self irony is killing me. Please stop now.
Not all of us came out of the womb holding a Nachtmystium album while wearing a Graf Orlock shirt and Amon Amarth sweatpants. For me, it took a while to arrive at what I think could be deemed as a “good taste in music”, good metal specifically. I was trading music with a friend the other day, he didn’t have anything on his hard drive that wasn’t super mainstream. But, he had a bunch of ripped CDs that I donated to Goodwill a few years ago – a butt ton of crappy nu metal. So of course I grabbed all the stuff I hadn’t listened to in years and took a trip down memory lane. Bad idea, it was mostly crap and I remembered why I donated it. It reminded me of my years long path of metal trial and error though. I need to repent and admit to …the errors:
YEAH YOU PUSH IT
I admit, these rat bastards probably started me off into metal. I saw the video for ‘Push It’ on MTV and thought it totally kicked ass. I immediately bought the album. That dude had a huge goatee and obviously the metal-ness of the music is proportional to the length of your facial hair. When I learned to play guitar, I realized that song has two fucking riffs in it. Two riffs, maybe three chords total. I felt ripped off. Later, an acquaintance of mine that posts on this blog who shall not be named TERRIE would be caught buying Shadow Zone, long long after he had discovered good music. For this he shall never be forgiven.
I gave Wisconsin Death Trip another spin, and skipped 9 of 12 songs due to sheer crappiness. ‘Push It’, ‘I’m with Stupid’, and ‘Bled for Days’ are tolerable. Barely. They’re mostly gibberish. The rest of the album is garbage.
let's rip off every good pantera riff and add robot noises
My second college roomate introduced me to Fear Factory. I heard Edgecrusher and my primitive brain exploded. It was the heaviest thing I’ve ever heard. The crunchiest riffs. The hardest, most hateful lyrics. It was brutal, like a futuristic robot metal band. We would rock this stuff in the dorm to rage against the Dave Matthews machine that everyone else seemed to be listening to.
Later I would discover Pantera, who were actually hateful. I then realized that Fear Factory just picked three or found good Pantera riffs, added a bunch of keyboard twiddly-beep-squonks, and made 50 songs out of them. Due to the size of Dino’s fat hands, no songs ever reach past the 6th fret. His fingers are also too large to play solos apparently.
To top off the shit sandwich, they covered ‘Cars’.
Seriously though, ‘Body Hammer’. The intro riff to that song is good. I still bust it out sometimes. Both chords.
what the..... hell?
I got into Powerman 5000 after I heard ‘When Worlds Collide’. That song was bad ass. The band members had bad ass names like Spider and M33. These are obviously some hard core dudes. And the main guy was Rob Zombie’s brother so it had to be good, right?
I thought it would be a good idea to grab their first album off my buddy’s hard drive. I actually bought this album back in 1999, so it had to have some redeeming value, right? Holy shit, I’ve never been so wrong in my life. There is not a single bearable song on this entire album. I tried listening to ‘When Worlds Collide’ and threw up in my mouth a little as I imagined the intro to every sporting event in the past 10 years.
Orgy – I think it was at least a year before I realized Blue Monday was a cover. All other songs are guaranteed unlistenable.
Rob Zombie - Inventor of the word ‘Yeah’. I still like Rob Zombie so stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Korn – Some marginally good songs, but the crap-to-good ratio is overwhelming. Recent attempts to cover Metallica are embarassing.
Spineshank – I bought this album, I can’t remember why. Hopefully this band faded into oblivion.
Post the crappiest bands you ever liked in the comments so I don’t feel so ridiculously misguided.
You can give them all the shit in the world for getting their own shoe. You can call them posers, sellouts, whatever. The fact of the matter is: “If you were in a band and had a chance to be immortalized in shoe form, would you do it?” 3 Inches of Blood has done just that.
Dumb.
I think I would honestly. Even though yeah, this is supremely dumb and trendy and not worth the time to even think of seeking out a pair of these hipster-tops. Apparently though, as one commenter on the original post has stated, the Melvins did something similar back in the day. Which I find suspect/don’t want to believe/will live in denial about until the day I die.
I was watching some SATYRICON vids and came across something terrible.
This video is metal.
Satyr looks evil and it looks like a metal video.
Now then, I came across this song (which I like a lot) -
It’s got rocking drums and hair flying everywhere until Bono comes out with his stupid glasses and slicked back hair. What the hell? This isn’t metal. It’s a biker trying to be U2.
Now granted their sound has gone away from pure black metal but leave that look to this jerk.
Are we all jealous, or do we just think this kid is a total fucking idiot?
This is what $20,000 of excitement looks like
Check out the full story here.
The user posts about this topic on Digg.com are pretty hilarious. Check out the first comment below and the rest here
“Wow guys, this is awesome! I’ve been looking for a new place to view music videos from all of my favorite UNIVERSAL MUSIC GROUP artists! It’s exciting to me that I can finally be one hundred percent sure I’m sending revenue to the biggest, most out-of-touch dinosaur of a giant multi-national corporation when I watch music videos online! I’ll even be helping the RIAA stay in business…”
Whatever dickhead came up with the combination of screamo and crunk needs a good kick in the gooch. Here we have two genres intertwining to produce some of the most annoyingly worst sounds on the planet. There is no redeeming value to this. Metalheads can make all the claims they want about how they hate certain genre tags or labels. This is something worse than corporate Nashville. This is something worse than Paris Hiltons’ acting career. This is worse than screamo, emo, and hardcore-chest-pump-jock-rock. This is Brokencyde.
Oh my fucking god.
Nothing about killing cops? Reppin’ your street cred? Rollin’ blunts? No gat?
No, but there is some random “tr00-emo” part around 1:56 through that will make you feel embarrassed for them. So they’ve got that going for them.
Hollywood Heart Throbs
Fuck.
I kind of had a hint that this sort of stink pile “genre” existed. The guys over at Metalsucks gave me my first introduction to what I would refer to as the most “Faux-metal” band on the planet right now. Anyway, what’s kind of sad is those douche-canoes in “Dead By April” actually have .010% more musical talent in their little tribal tattooed arms than these fucks, “Hollywood Undead”. Or, as I will refer to them: “The Soundtrack to Teenage Pregnancy and Fail.”
The masks keep them safe from ass whoopings by longhairs and tech-9 totin' thugs!
[Chorus] The Server: “I’m About to serve it up for all you party goers. Scene Kids, Meat Heads, Alchi’s, Stoners. Dancin around like a bunch of faggots, funnier than fuck you cab ask Bob Saggot. I never claimed that I knew how to dance but Ill get drunk, get high, and pull down my pants.”
So you can assume right off the bat this “band” sucks a big fat dooter pile. It’s a cluster fuck of Slipknot image, Insane Clown Posse lyricism (which I actually find humorous most times), and Wu-Tang-esque hardcore rap…except it’s five white guys instead…five white guys doing hardcore rap…didn’t Eminem do that already? For fuck’s sake, he was only ONE guy. I don’t even want to go into the stage names of the other four dumpster dicks in the group.
Here’s a video of what this shit sounds like if you care.
Now please go wash your ears out with soap and Amon Amarth.
