Not Metal

Abbath don’t feel like dancin’

Immortal rocks the Scissor Sisters

Constitutional Masturbation

Sounds sexy.

I gotta be honest and say I’ve never actually heard anything by this band. Never really cared that much. This is mostly due to their “so funny I forgot to laugh ironic but not really and just comes across as stupid”, band name. First impressions are a bitch. And these guys sounds like a combination of Cattle Decapitation and The Black Dahlia Murder. Two bands who, in my opinion, get the job done better (no pun intended). So why waste time on another marginal “death metal” band? Well, this song gets me with the slower riffing. I dig the brutal…slow…grind stuff the most in this song. Though, after that there isn’t much else that you probably haven’t heard already from 1000 other bands.

If you care to hear, do so before the video is removed for violating copyright laws or some shit.

UPDATE 5-2-09 – You’re shit out of luck. The song has been taken down. You’ll have to wait until the record leaks to download it.

As dark as the inside of your colon

Darker than that still.

Have you ever wanted to drink pure alcoholic black sludge from the darkest pits of hell? Well if you weren’t in Muenster, Indiana on Saturday, there is a good chance you won’t get to this year. Saturday, April 26th was the annual 3 Floyd’s Dark Lord Day. It’s the one day of the year that you can buy this sinister beverage.

As expected, there were thousand upon thousands of over anxious beer snobs sitting in lawn chairs with coolers filled with beer that probably cost more than a week’s worth of food.

We arrived around 11:30 am and realized that it was way too late if you ever wanted to even capture a glimpse of the delicious motor oil. We hiked to the back of the line (which was in a different parking lot) and immediately said “fuck that!” Most people were just standing in unmarked lines perfectly content with not moving.

My party went right into the mess and found that there were 4 or 5 different lines for 4 or 5 different things but no one knew what these lines we really for. Luckily we were able to get into a short line and sample the liquid sin. It was thick, and sweet, and delicious, and BLACK. Very Very Black. It was well worth fighting the crowd.

After that little spot of luck, we were able to “squeeze” into the line to buy actual bottles of the bottled darkness. Once we purchased the maximum allotment of dark lord, we were guided right into another part of the chaos where we found out we could taste and buy popskull. Once we escaped the madness, me and my fellow beer junkie agreed that the popskull was a superior beer. It was light and hoppy yet was a dark refreshing beer.

Moral of the story – Fuck morals and get beer anyway possible.

Black Bacon Metal!

Is there anything more elite than an upside down cross made of bacon? I think not!

“I smoked this weed that was so good it made me want to quit smoking weed.”

Well, he won’t be doing any PSA’s for D.A.R.E.

I love Mastodon. And I love the amount of effort they put forth in giving an honest interview. So if you’re as much of a fan as most of us are enjoy the link to an audio interview with guitarist/vocalist Brent Hinds on their latest effort “Crack The Skye” and life in general. Mastodon’s Brent Hinds on making “Crack The Skye”.

Good morning!

The perfect way to start a day.

The El was ridiculously packed this morning, and as I crammed into the middle of the second car I was able to over hear a dude listening to something very loud on his iPod. It instantly caught my attention as something I’ve heard before, and definitely not the usual of what one overhears on the El in the morning.

One or two stops later all I could really catch from it over the sound of the tracks and newspapers ruffling was some frenetic down tuned guitar chug and a consistent hit on the high hat. Another stop on my way to downtown, I finally caught it: this dude’s playing Meshuggah’s “Bleed” at ear deafening volume. You could probably hear it in the whole car. Which is awesome.

Anyway, that made my morning ride in to work all the better. All I usually hear on a typical morning pumping out of some jock’s headset on the North side is some techno garbage or Lil’ Wayne…

No not that “Tool”

Nah, it’s just Satyr.

I was watching some SATYRICON vids and came across something terrible.

This video is metal.

Satyr looks evil and it looks like a metal video.

Now then, I came across this song (which I like a lot) -

It’s got rocking drums and hair flying everywhere until Bono comes out with his stupid glasses and slicked back hair. What the hell? This isn’t metal. It’s a biker trying to be U2.

Now granted their sound has gone away from pure black metal but leave that look to this jerk.

“Divinations” live at Coachella Festival

Shit quality. You get the idea though.

Ok, the audio really sucks balls. But, it’s a taste to come of what to expect on their current set of dates for the North American Tour happening now. Visuals! Yetis! Guitars! Beards! Yes!

Brutal Truth

Evolution Through Revolution

Things are going by in a million mile/hr. blur right now. I just listened to the new Brutal Truth and have no recollection of what the fuck just happened. It’s as if I opened up a portal to the future and that portal to the future just happened to be Brutal Truth playing a grind opus to me backwards in time into my brain piece which fast forwarded me 30 min or so in parallel and left me feeling awkwardly great about my life wasting away in front of a computer screen…

I have not heard anything this technically fast and brutal in a long time. Anyone who knows Brutal Truth that has had their previous records on rotation once in awhile and gotten something out of it will know what to expect. A band like this “returning” to their grind roots and making a new record should be enough of a sign to know to expect something good.
read more »

Because these guys rule

Seriously, I know from experience

I got really excited today when I found metalsucks had posted a video up of Weekend Nachos live. I really dig they’re take on grindcore, as well as many of my good friends. And what’s even better, John Hoffman (lead vocalist), works at my company! Right here in downtown Chicago! Anyway, the dude is super cool and very approachable, and the live show is not to be missed! Check them out if they’re ever near you.