Big smelly fucking dudes with no shirts!

Where: The Metro, Chicago IL.

Favorite neighbor

Oh, and one other stereotypical metal head: big fucking dude with a big fucking beard.They were abundant in the crowd on the main floor where at times I was crammed between “them” on the front line of the pit and one obese sweaty fuck garbed in complete White Sox gear. Strangely, the Sox had not played that day.

The Metro was the perfect venue for this show. There are others like it in Chicago, but this small cramped vintage hall is about 4 blocks down the street from my apartment. So that’s really why.

Intronaut opened up the show. They were very very very heavy. I’m pretty sure they fall in the “NeurIsis” camp. Which some people hate. But, honestly the riffing reminded me more of Meshuggah or Dillinger when they’re trying to be melodic and not spaz. Regardless, I found myself bobbing my head many times.

It was my first time seeing Kylesa, and I have to say the crowd was a total letdown. I was really hoping there would have been more people into them. I think part of the problem was a ten minute delay before their set when the drummers (yeh, two drummers if you didn’t know) had some sort of sound snafu. That led to many a boo and “SLAYERRRRR!!!” shout from random crowd members before they were able to shake it off and proceed to fuck my ears with a whirlwind of material from their awesomely awesome new record “Static Tensions”.

Both singers (yellers?) were spot on for delivery and attitude and the live set was stellar. But again, the crowd just did not want to budge past the few random horn throwers and headbangers interspersed among the sell out crowd.

If you’ve been following Mastodon since the release of “Crack The Skye” you’ll know already this tour has been set up so that they play the record in its entirety.

Brent Hinds of Mastodon

What I learned two days before the show was that there was going to be sort of visual display as well. It’s true, and it’s epic. Everything about Astral Projection and Rasputin looks so fucking cool if you get the chance to have an out-of-body experience to meet him I suggest you try it.

This was seriously the best thing I’ve seen Mastodon perform ever . It wasn’t the best metal performance, but this was Mastodons’ moment to kill.

It was also the moment for several of the aforementioned jocks and White Sox geared fattys to bust a move in the pit. Why?, I might ask would ANYone feel the need to beat the shit out of others during such songs as “The Czar”, I have no fucking clue. Granted it does pick up a bit in the middle portion of the song, but I’m talking about the WHOLE song. All ten plus minutes worth. Slow parts and all. It was like this for the entire set. No matter how much you thought the songs on the record were strictly groove oriented and just “listenable” not, “moshable”, you’re wrong.

Karl Fucking Sanders

Plus, there was one dude that looked exactly like Karl Sanders of Nile! Only taller, scarier, and much more girth. He left midway through the set with an eye injury. I shit you not. Someone laid into that fucker good.

I pretty much was expecting WWIII to break out on “Crack The Skye”, the heaviest song on the album. I was wise enough to give up on my position of lower center stage and retreated to stage right to hang out with the stoners that don’t kill each other. I suggest to always look for the groupings of smaller glassy eyed head bangers if you really want to just enjoy yourself and not get murdered.

If there is an adjective to describe something “beyond epic” “The Last Baron” was it. By then, the pit had calmed down. Mastodon had dominated. But wait! They also dominated through…

(Spoiler Alert!)

…roughly ten songs off of previous records as part of their encore.

Jesus fucking wept. It was a marathon of awesome. Don’t miss this tour if you’re a fan.